Off with her LEG!

So D-Day finally comes, I'm SO ready for it.  Feels like I made the decision weeks ago but it's only been 4 days.  I'm like "Let's do this already....."

Anyways, the Anaesthetist comes to see me to tell me what's going to happen, basically they're going to give me an epidural to completely numb me from the waist down and then they're going to put me in a coma.  Marvellous - I'm happy with this, as long as I don't feel anything I'm happy as Larry.  This part all goes well and I'm off to sleep.  I wake up in the ICU a couple of hours later, OMG I'm in such pain and they won't give me any more pain killers, they say I've had enough.  What the fuck do they know??!  I want to KILL someone.  Assholes.  Taylor and Sarah have brought me a Steers burger...Eventually the pain subsides and I smash that burger and down the Coke (a must after any operation!), slowly I relax and start watching 'How to be Single'.  I love this movie.  

Next thing the flipping suction machine starts beeping and the nurses say that there's something wrong. What now?  They call the doctor immediately, he comes and has a look.  The wound is bleeding, he needs to take the dressing off...WHILE I"M AWAKE!!! FFS - are these people maaaaaad? Anyway, it has to be done so I carry on and watch the movie while he reopens the wound and redresses it.  I feel like puking.  I feel the throb of the blood gushing out of my leg - next thing the blood pressure machine starts beeping and I've gone WHITE, started sweating and blood pressure is the lowest its ever been, I'm about to pass out so they give me this stuff through the drip and slowly I start to feel better.  By this time he's finished.  The whole time the movie is playing in the background...I'm thinking 'What the hell is he thinking'...He goes home and tells the nurses to watch for any bleeding.  I carry on watching the movie, before the movie is even over the nurses come and check and ... lo and behond ... there's more bleeding.  FUUUUUCK!  They phone the doctor and he says he's coming back now and we're going into back into theatre, never mind the burger and coke I've just smashed...they don't care.  Anyway, to cut an already long story short, he redresses the wound and the bleeding stops but I'm in BAD BAD pain, my leg is spasming so badly, like every 20 minutes.  I cannot handle it and just want to fucking die!  Me and pain are not mates!  Thank God for the one nurse who takes pity on me and pushes the Morphine from 4mg/hour to 10mg/hour - after that I was able to handle the spasms by breathing through them and I slept the rest of the night through.

Wednesday:  Nothing interesting happened but my Guardian Angel was there again that night and again she cranked up the Morphine and I slept the night through - why don't they just do this for everyone? All I can think of is those poor people that don't get so lucky!  I'm grateful.

Thursday: Back in Surgery.  Didn't like the way the Anaesthetist put me under, he tricked me and didn't do the count down. What kind ekse?! Fuck me when I woke up I was SOBBING and in the most incredible pain I've ever been in, was actually probably more sore than giving birth to Taylor (and I've never said that before).  Thank God Emma was there when I opened up my eyes, she sat with me and held my hand while I sobbed in pain.  Thankfully I only had one spasm and finally the pain subsided and again my Guardian Angel hit me with 10mg/hour of Morphine. Bliss....

Friday:  I wake up feeling like a different person!  I have no pain.  I leave the ICU in the morning happy, smiling and waving to everyone!!  Off to OAK WARD 1...









My Morphine Dreams

My Mantra

Meet 'The Leg'

{Wishful Thinking}

19th July 2016 is THE BIG DAY~~~I am going to have a through-the-knee amputation of my left leg.  What the fuck?  No man!  How did I get here? 

Until a few days ago, I couldn't even hear the word amputation without feeling sick, let alone talking about it or even researching it.  But our minds, as do our bodies - heal and allow you to move forward.

So, I'm back in hospital AGAIN.  Night 154 out of 264 days since the car accident that changed my life forever.  The actual surgery part doesn't scare me as I have had 21 operations whilst trying to save the leg in question.  That I'm pretty sure I can handle.  What I'm scared of is the pain afterwards and what's also daunting is the amount of effort that is going to be required throughout the rehabilitaiton stage. 

Coping Mechanism:{Wishful Thinking}
Although, I've decided as a rule of thumb that I will only be taking each day as it comes - this way I should never feel overwhelmed and hopefully it will all be over before I know it. 

I have been trying to understand why I agonised and cried so much over making the decision but haven't really shed any tears since then.  It eventually took my 20 year old son, Taylor, to talk some sense into me.  He told me I needed to opt for the amputation and that was that.  I haven't cried since then, I suppose when you've made up your mind about something it becomes a reality and one kicks into the mode to just get things done.  Well for me anyways.

Things I've realised thus far:-

1. I have the most incredible son in the world
2. I'm not feeling sad / sorry for myself, what I find is that I'm more upset about hurting the people closest to you.
3. Your friends will really go above and beyond to help you
4. Kindness from random strangers is always appreciated
5. I'm going to miss my toenails

My 1st amputee Joke:-

Cape Town will cost you an arm and a leg, or just half a leg in my case :)

Joslyns 1st amputee Joke (unintentional)

Oooh I didn't know that, I'm stumped....(no pun intended)

2014 in a nutshell...

OMG New Years Day was absolute debauchery!  It was spent at The Hatchery with my girls! Sooooo much fun but remind me NEVER to let Suzy pour me a drink!  One of those and I was done for the rest of the day.  No need to get into the details.

OK so I made a decision that 2014 was going to be the year that I would start preliminary searches for the love of my life...

WHAT I WANTED: Male older than 28 who is ....

1. Kind
2. Intelligent
3. Funny
4. Tertiary Education

HOW I WAS GONNA GET IT:

1. Ask friends/family/colleagues strangers to keep an eye out for suitable candidates
2. Tinder (don't ask, 3 dates later and I was done but that's a whole other story!)
3. Talk to anyone because you never know ....

It didn't work so I changed my strategy to:

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND THE RIGHT PERSON WILL APPEAR!